There Is Only One Truth

This was the sermon at the church I attended today. I thought it was really informative so I decided to put it on here. Often times people think that fighting is bad and should be avoided, but fighting can actually be productive and helpful. It's better to fight and get things out than bottle them up inside and harbour resentment. So here's more about fighting and how to fight fair.


1. Why do we fight?
There are two reasons why people fight. The first is because of our pride. We always want to be right, or we don't want to admit that we're wrong. I've been ni fights with people several times where I persist in fighting because I want to be right (regardless if I'm right or not). I think most of us can relate to that.

By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom. [Prov 13:10 NKJV]


The second reason that people fight is because of their selfish desires. Usually when people want to take our pleasures away (including being right) we tend to fight back.

Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. [James 4:1-2 NKJV]


2. How To Fight Fair?

Commitment 1: talk
If there is anything I've learned being in a relationship, it is that talking is essential. Communication can go a long way because a lack of communication can create situations of miscommunications and issues that could have been easily avoided. While talking it's vital that we speak in truth. This means that we say things in love and not our of spite or vengeance. We should speak with integrity and accuracy. The pastor mentioned that it's important that we don't exaggerate when we talk (which is something that I think a lot of us do).

Therefore putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbour," ... [Eph 4:25 NKJV]


Commitment 2: fix the problem not the blame
It's easy to point fingers and assign blame, but it doesn't do much in terms of fixing the problem. Usually putting the blame on someone (even if it is their fault) will only create a defensive attitude. The point of talking is to help solve problems not further them. Our goal as Christians is to create unity among ourselves, so putting the blame on others doesn't do much for unity.

...for we are members of one another. [Eph 4:25 NKJV]


Commitment 3: stay calm
I started doing this when I was having serious talks with people and it really works. Keeping your cool and not raising your voice does wonders for solving problems. Even when I'm really angry and I stay calm I'm able to keep myself under control and not have regrets later. The other person I'm talking with is also more receptive to what I have to say. Overall, staying calm just makes things a lot easier and less stressful.

"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath. [Eph 4:26 NKJV]


Commitment 4: no hitting below the belt
I am guilty of doing this. Making blows to the other person that are just cheap shots made to satisfy my own desire to hurt them rather than building them up. Fighting should be productive to help solve a problem. Bringing cheap shots into the picture creates an atmosphere of disrespect, which in turn causes hostility and defensiveness. Choose to use words to invest into the person's life than trying to destroy their life.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. [Eph 4:29 NKJV]


Commitment 5: practice the presence of God
This one commitment is something that I believe is vital to fights. Remember that God is right there amongst you watching everything. I'm sure many of us wouldn't say the things we say if we remembered this. Relationships are not a duet, but a trio. If you're a Christian and have a Christian-based relationship with your significant other then you know that God is just as an involved participant as the other person. So remember that He is there and is part of the discussion. Honour Him with your words and thoughts even when you're angry.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. [Eph 4:30 NKJV]


Commitment 6: no history lessons
This basically means that we should not bring up previous incidents to make a point. This doesn't mean just forget those things they have done, but if you've already dealt with them then leave it be. It is difficult to talk to a person when they keep throwing things in your face about what you did before. Nobody can change the past, so just deal with it and move on.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. [Eph 4:31 NKJV]


Commitment 7: give positive strokes
Rather thank making hurtful comments, say how you feel in a positive manner that focuses on truth rather than lashing out.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted... [Eph 4:32 NKJV]


Commitment 8: forgive
Conflict is inevitable. We will always be hurt my someone and will hurt others ourselves, even if it is not intentional. Forgiveness is the only way to deal with hurt that isn't deserved because otherwise revenge will be sought instead. I know this from experience. No matter how much you yell and attack the person who hurt you, it doesn't make a difference. You still feel horrible and just get frustrated that you don't feel better after it. When you hand the pain over to God and decide to forgive those who hurt you, it is a great feeling. It's not fair, but it is what is needed for healing to start taking place.

...forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. [Eph 4:32 NKJV]


Commitment 9: love
Haha, sounds easy but sometimes it isn't. When we're mad we sometimes have fantasies of physically hurting the other person; well I do at least. But it is much better for us to see the other person as a human being rather than a target for our hatred. Treating them with love is a way for us to not only show God's love but also build ourselves up to be like God. That is always our goal.

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loves us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma. [Eph 5:1-2 NKJV]

- - -

I hope this was as helpful for you as it was for me. God bless.